How do you cope when you are feeling angry? How do you work your way through the emotions? How do you handle conflict? I posted this request and here are some of the responses from people worldwide. They come from all walks of life. Their ideas are filled with wisdom.
From Pablo, an artist:
I have learned to ask myself –why I am I getting angry? Does this anger make sense? Would I be better off handling the situation differently? I am old enough to have experienced the downsides of letting anger over ride good sense. I remind myself of the people that I have hurt, the friends I have alienated, the business I have lost, etc. by letting my temper make a fool of me. I also remind myself that anger is not good for one’s health.
I try to understand what the other person is really mad about. If I have done something stupid or make an error, I try to make it right. I also keep in mind that escalating the situation emotionally will not help things. It is good to just cool down before saying or doing much. The one line that I have is that I do not allow anyone to physical hurt me or my loved ones. I do not care what their problem with me is, they cannot cross that line.
I am both thankful and grateful. Yes, it is important to remember how blessed that you are and to keep things in perspective. Most things in life are really not worth getting upset over. As you gain more life experiences, you understand that being correct in your behavior towards others and having a loving attitude are more important than pride or most other things.
I grew up poor. My parents taught me the value of hard work, education and discipline. They also taught me to be thankful for what you have. They taught that thankfulness is happiness.
It has been an on going process of living and learning. Observing that people who are thankful are always happier than people who are negative reinforces my beliefs.
God has blessed me in so many ways–a talent, good parents, a wonderful wife, a successful career, Divine protection in numerous situations. One of the hardest lessons that I have had accepting is that God loves us and will bless us even when we do not deserve it.
What I treasure in my life is my wife. Secondly, my ability to create art. Third the wonderful place that I call home.
I try not to be a complete idiot and fool. I have seen Third World nations. I have had friends killed in war, in accidents and due to disease. I have been in situations that had they ended even slightly differently, my life would have been ruined.
If I were not grateful, I would be an enormous fool.
From Nancy, a nurse:
Realizing that no one can make me angry has been an eye opener. If I
am having the emotion of anger it is because I choose to be angry. So
if I recognize the state of anger I reflect on where that is coming
from. In the reflection I go back to a time that I felt like this.
Then I redefine the past event so that I understand why this emotion
is presenting itself at this time. Once I have done that I can then
release the anger I am holding on to.
Blessings of peace,
“In two minutes at night you can create happier and more confident children by
speaking Pillow Talks to them while they sleep.”
Nurse Nancy Beck
I USE BUBBLE MEDITATION. I CLOSE MY EYES AND FALL BACKWARDS INTO A POOL. I PUT EACH ANGRY SUBJECT INTO A BUBBLE. I GIVE THEM EACH A COLOR. I LET THE BLACK ONES FLOAT TO THE SERVICE AND WATCH THEM POP. I FEEL LIGHTER AS A RESULT OF THIS EXERCISE. TAKES 5 MINUTES.
I am 7 years sober. I appreciate every day that I am alive and continue to give back to those who freely gave to me. Re transition, I almost died and found out that I had acute alcohol poisoning. Came to the point where enough was enough and decided to do something about it. I am blessed that I have more money in the bank, new friends, wonderful family and a great life.
First, with regard to anger is an awareness that I’ve been using with my daughter who is now in second grade. When someone does something that hurts her feelings or makes her angry, I remind her the mean person only hurt her once and that wasn’t nice, but that she keeps hurting herself again and again by thinking of it, and she can’t blame the “mean” person for that.
With regard to gratitude, every night after before she goes to sleep my daughter places a Token of Change(tm) on her forehead (my token, her ritual) and affirms, “I am grateful. I am kind. I create what’s on my mind. Perfect healthProsperity. My world reflects the change in me.” We talk a lot about what we are thankful for, including the people we love and how we are grateful that our bodies know how to heal themselves while we sleep if we take good care of them. We talk about kindness as how we treat ourselves, each other and every living thing. If you ask her what prosperity means, she’ll tell you it means we have everything we need and enough to share with others. No matter what happens at school, good or bad, we always find something to be grateful for and some way that we can respond with kindness. I think it’s working well because I’m not just saying the words to her or having her repeat the words, but actually living this change myself. Gratitude really is the foundation of my present relationship with God/Life/the Universe, and even though I experience unkind feelings just like other people, I acknowledge and release those feelings and choose to think and act with kindness toward myself, my child and everyone (not always easy for me as a deputy prosecuting attorney who works mostly with drug addicts and sex offenders as well as the occasional murderer). http://www.SocraticParenting.com
Hello, I had a typical sad story. I was a single mom, living in a mobile home, with three small boys, driving a beat-up, rusty station wagon, with no money in the bank and I was battling Multiple Sclerosis (M.S.). Since I had been a stay-home mom for 11 years, I had no work experience and couldn’t seem to find a job making very much money. It took all I had to get my boys ready, myself ready, fight traffic and work an 8 hour day. However, then I came home to laundry, housework, grocery shopping, ballgames, band practice, lost library books, homework, and of course, making dinner. Not to mention, some days it took everything out of me to just get out of bed. Fighting an illness like M.S. can be difficult because it is a hidden disease. I always heard things like, “Well, you look good.” I did try to hide it too because I wanted to keep my job. While I had all of these things going, it really bothered me to hear these whiny salesmen come into work. Most of them had no real problems, but I seemed to spend the majority of the day keeping their spirits up. I finally put a sign on my desk that said, “If you say something negative, you have to say two positive things.” After awhile it became a kind of game. We all tried to think more positive. I remember calling into work one day because I had a blow out in my car. I was late because I had to get two new tires. As soon as I came in, they wanted to know what my two positive things were. I said, “Well, I had my cell phone with me so I could call someone. I didn’t wreck my car or hurt anyone…” They stopped me and told me that I only had to say two things. I realized then how powerful our minds can be. I could have spent my time bumming out because I was inconvenienced for a couple of hours. I was also out some extra money because I had to buy two new tires. Instead of dwelling on the bad things, I put my energy into thinking about the positive instead. To think about the things that could have happened – but didn’t, made me feel better about the situation because things could have been so much worse. It’s hard sometimes, but I have learned to live my life that way. I try to focus more on the good things in my life rather than the negative. Believe me, I have had my share of negative things, but I have also been very blessed. It really depends on how we look at it. Kind Regards, http://sherristanczak.webs.com