Making Amends

Did you ever hear the saying “Hurt people, hurt people?” Did you ever have to make amends and ”clean up your side of the street” after an argument or an estrangement? How did it go for you? Did you just say “I am sorry” or did you have to change something in your behavior to prove that or your “I’m sorry” was sincere. Please share how you felt after making an amends, or anything related to this topic..

10 responses to “Making Amends

    Many years ago I ran away from what I couldn’t put a name to, and I deeply hurt someone. We had a brief reunion ten years later, but if only one person has grown up, nothing good can come of it.

    Conscience exacts a terrible price sans courage..

    Now I’m ready but afraid to find the/an (my) answer.
    More than anything I’ve ever wished, I’d give anything for courage to be humble and say, “I did thus and so. I was wrong. I am truly sorry”; Just that; nothing more.
    Forgive the gallows humor, but I’m willing to accept any response that sounds like “yes”. Maybe I could mail this one in?

  2. It’s been almost 3 years since the “Best Person Who Ever Came Into My Life” was lost to me. No, he did not pass away as I would easily have accepted that. I lost him through my emotional immaturity and lies, though simple (white) they may be. Our friendship and feelings for each other just ended with no real explanation as to WHY it had to. In response, I reacted in the most despicable way ever known: character-assassination, insulting his family and friends, harassment and even death threats. For more than a year I carried out that cowardly, vengeful act thinking that it would satisfy me by seeing his world crumble. It may have but for a short period of time. He fears me, loathes me and probably does not think of me anymore. Wouldn’t you?

    I’ve lost him! Psychiatric-sessions, Bible-Studies and even Emotional Counseling from friends would only alleviate the pain for some time. I guess that it is only in the end that we realize how important someone is to our lives is when we’ve lost that person.

    Hope? A chance to make amends? “Time heals all wounds”? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. A word, a message or even a nod of acknowledgement…anything that would allow some manner of communication between us to happen again. Of course, it won’t be the same as it used to be, but at least I would be able to go up to him, hug him, tell him how much he meant and still means to me…and finally walk away with a smile to my face and that hole in me filled.

    It is never easy! He is never easy to forget. Almost 3 years and counting…!

  3. I wish I had the right answer for all, but I struggle daily to figure if I know the answers to my own questions, but I always encourage anyone to pray, cause prayer does change things, although I find myself wondering how to pray for my uncle which had fondled me as a younger girl, who has caused me to later in my years, suffer from mental issues. The bad thing about it, I saw him at my aunt’s funeral last night, and if you guessed it you’re right, I was able to hug and socialize with him, but I will always remember what he did to me, but God has taken my ill feeling for revenge and hatred for him, so to make amends for me, would have to be prayer, pray also for your enemies!

  4. I feel from my heart that making amends is a daily process that I go through all the time. Sometimes I am not even aware that I have hurt someone’s feelings until later and then I need to take a real look at myself and say “What can I learn from my thoughtless remark so that in the future I will not repeat the same thing.” I feel this is something that as an imperfect person I will have to do daily for the rest of my life and I welcome that because then I know that I am truly engaging in the lives of others and adding to my own humility for my imperfections and still realizing that I do not do these things on purpose. From my heart I honestly love others and I have always thought that I wanted to treat people the way I would like to be treated and so this means I need to give more attention to respect for what others have been through even though I could never truly understand if I have not walked in their shoes. Making amends is just part of life and I am gateful to know that I do not have to be perfect and put on aires with others. So forgive me if I did not put down the words in the right way because I am not perfect. Thanks

  5. Amends are very important to me. As part of the program of AA, I began making my amends last month. The list is long and will probably take me many months. I put every single person I remember I harmed in any way on the list. If I remember someone and DON’T put them on there and attempt the amend, I literally could drink or use over it. I don’t mess around.

    They’re scary and difficult, but they are extremely freeing. I can go anywhere in the world a free woman when I’m done with these, and AAs Promises don’t happen until I’m “halfway through” – something many who don’t do this work in AA don’t realize.

    Recently I tried to have a relationship with a man who wasn’t accountable for his actions and I left him over that. I won’t settle for what I used to anymore.

  6. I received an incredibly hateful + angry email from a so-called friend. Two years ago, he said that he’d never speak to me again, and now he sent me an email telling me that he meant every word of that. To me, this seems ridiculous… but after reading the email several times, I realized the real issue was that he was hurting…. and attacking me out of that hurt. This realization helped me not to lash back, or even reply in a point-by-point rebuttal. I realized the root or core issue was that he was hurting, and responding out of his own pain + emotional bankruptcy.

  7. See how one young woman managed to forgive and be reconciled to her father in my novel, FREDDIE, (PublishAmerica) after her mentor encourages her to forgive by saying: “You been walkin’ around here with your heart draped for a funeral. You locked yourself in prison with your pout and barred your view. And you aint goin’ to be free till you forgive. Hatin’ is like internal bleedin’. It drains the life blood of its power.” See:

  8. It’s a cornerstone of AA and other programs for a very good reason. When we hold onto resentments and hurt – it’s like a boomerang that shoots ourselves in the heart. Not knowing that; one could chase themselves around in circles for years. It’s a seriously (self) damaging issue. I love what Yvonne wrote, excellent (dead on) quote. Thanks for the topic!!

    I write about forgiveness and being grateful and would love your contributions at the link below!

    Thanks 🙂

  9. My husband is not in any program but teaches me how to clean up my messes with his own excellent example.
    When he has done something wrong, even if it is only 2% of our problem and I am accountable for 98%, he comes to me with sincerity and takes care of his 2% without ever looking at my part. When he does this, it melts the icy wall around my heart so that I can get real and get vulnerable and “clean up” my part, too. That is true compassion

  10. I love this quote: “He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he, himself, must pass.” – Lord Herbert Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Once you truly forgive, the stress and depression is lifted up. So lift up my friends. Yvonne Conte, Motivational Humorist

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